Before You Order

The latest research study has shown those who handle their penises by regularly inserting them into the birth canal of feces do not have the sense to know what to do with their hands, fingers, or penises when regularly handling food.

The research discovered that 95% of penis owners think more frequently of their penises than they do of food. Almost all (97-98%) of the penis owners in the study exhibited respect for their penises by honoring accepted personal hygiene practices, keeping themselves clean, and not wallowing in human waste.

The 2-3% who identified themselves as homosexuals showed little respect for their penises, and often combined their penis emissions with fecal matter to produce a mixture that can only be described as incredibly toxic to both humans and the environment. The homosexuals in the study were found to be astonishingly loud-mouthed, belligerent, and delusional by asserting their infatuation with disease promoting activities was motivated by true love.

Surprisingly, 99% of the women in the study stated that they would not or absolutely would not mate with a homosexual in order to produce offspring. 78% of those women stated that the primary reason for not mating with a homosexual was to avoid getting fecal matter in their vaginas, something every one of the female participants had been warned about since childhood.

87% of the women stated that the primary or secondary reason for not mating with a homosexual was that, as mothers, they were more interested in building a home for their children as opposed to a brothel house for deviants. Other studies have shown that children raised in the traditional husband-wife couple home are far more likely to survive and themselves reproduce.

Criticisms of the study include the argument that if homosexuals do not reproduce, then “where do all of the homosexuals keep coming from?” This is where science fails and revelation by an all knowing benefactor comes in. Homosexuality is the result of devil spirit possession*. Acceptance and support of homosexuals by non-homosexuals may have a similar origin, or approval may come from their belief in the doctrines of devil spirits**.

The study showed that even a hair net was not enough to mitigate the danger and bio-hazard of allowing homosexuals to handle food prepared for public consumption.

In light of this study and others, the Centers for Disease Control strongly recommends that all homosexuals be banned from the food service industry.

* The average devil spirit lifespan is thousands of years, and so a single devil spirit works across multiple generations to possess people who allow it. Devil spirit possession need only be temporary, and so the same devil spirit influences or possesses many people even in the same generation. Geographic clustering allows for an efficient distribution of  influence, but is not required.
** Such doctrines are now heralded by the highest office in the land, are broadcast on every television and radio channel, are an integral part of most public education curriculums, and are approved by nearly every major Christian and non-Christian denomination either by word or deed. To remain free from devil spirits and their influence, simply be very particular about the exercise of your own free will in both thought and action, and learn how to read your own Bible. You control your own thinking, and you are responsible for what you believe, no matter what you are taught or by whom you are taught.
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